'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE INSTALLATION =================================== 'Twas the night before installation, And all through the shop, Not a program was working, It sure was a flop. The programmers hung by their tubes in despair, In hope that a miracle soon would be there. The users were nestled all snug in their beds While visions of inquiries danced in their heads. When out in the hall there arose such a clatter I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a Super-Programmer (with a six-pack of beer). His resume glowed with experience so rare, He turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair. More rapid than eagles, his programs they came, And he whistled and shouted and called them by name: On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete! On Batch! On Closing! On Functions Complete! His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean, From weekends and nights in front of a screen. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk, And laying a finger upon the "Enter" key, The system came up and worked perfectly. The Updates updated, the Deletes, they deleted; The inquiries inquired, and Closing completed. He tested each whistle and each bell, with nary an abend, and all had gone well. The system was finished, the tests were concluded; The users' last changes were even included. And the users exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt, "It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!" [From an anonymous printout from somewhere in California] X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm) & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845 Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102 Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives, arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality, insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS. Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are, where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother. "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X